HALO 3 VIA XBOX LIVE

Every once in a while me and some of my friends will head over to our buddies house to play Halo 3 on Xbox Live and drink some beers. I actually got into Halo when it first came out, but my friends got me into playing online against people. So, I went and set myself up with an account (I Jebus Crisp I, just in case anyone wants to look me up). I'm not amazing at Halo, but I'm alright, so my highest level is something like 15. But, my buddies level is something like 35, which I think is pretty rediculous. How the hell do you get a level that hight to begin with?!

Anyway, so when I play at my house, I do alright because I am playing against other people that are pretty close to the same level as me. But, when we go to my buddies house I get completely wrecked by everyone else because they are all at a level of 35 or higher. Needless to say, I get pissed because of this sometimes and the whole being drunk thing doesn't help either.

Our buddy also gets pissed at me and Scat because we are such low levels, that we hinder his team when we are playing social skirmish (a bunch of games like capture the flag and so on). So now we got me being pissed at myself and our friend yelling at us as well.

To add to the aggravation, most of the people that we play against are horribly rude people with nothing better to do but talk shit to us. Most of the time, it's not even founded shit talking! It's just "hey, he's got a microphone, let's harrass him". The whole thing is crazy to me. Why would people just sign on to yell at me? I don't talk shit to any of these people, so why would they feel like they need to?

Either way, I think my point is that we're all playing to have fun, and there's no reason for anyone to ruin that. I can see getting a little competitive, but seriously, win or lose with some grace.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

Last night I guess I got a little crazy and broke down about everything that I regret. For instance, for some reason I believe I am the reason that everyone's lives are fucked. From family to friends, it would appear that my life ruins worlds. Wether this is true or not is unimportant. What's important is that I need to stop punishing myself for things that are out of my control, or so I am told. But if everything is out of my control, then what the fuck am I really doing here anyway.

I guess one of the better things that I discovered last night, is that everyone has regrets, basks in the past, and doesn't know what the hell they're doing. In one hand, that's awesome that I'm not alone. In the other hand, it's depressing to think that everyone in the world has little to no plan and just let's things happen based on some stupid memory they've kept locked away deep inside their head.

Are we all uncomfortable with ourselves? Do we all wish we redo everything and maybe do it better? Is it possible that the world is just fucking over because of our unhealthy attachment to things past?? Probably.