DEDICATION TO RUFFY

Yesterday, my mother found our golden retriever, Ruffy, hit by a car off of Rt 148. Of course the bastard took off, evading responsibility. Probably because he or she is a worthless sociopath that rapes children in his or her past time. Regardless, other people with a conscience actually stopped (thank you).

Mom took Ruffy to the vet that night and there was basically nothing they could do, so they put him to sleep. Mom did stay by his side as he drifted off, which I am grateful for. Though the whole situation really sucks..

Ruffy was always a really good dog. Actually, he was probably more than a dog when it comes down to it. He was the 8th Jansma of the immediate family. Even though sometimes he might not have been treated the best, he always kept a chipper attitude. There was no holding him down, ever. Though it was a very long time ago that we got Ruffy, there are many memories of rough housing with him all over the place. Wrestling in the living room, racing around the whole house, watching Shebus and Alix run around with him in the back yard, the many trips we took out to New Hampshire with him, taking him for walks out in the woods while we explored, the list goes on. Even when he started to have minor health problems, he was still down for anything.


Ruffy, we'll all miss you, and thanks for guarding the gates for the rest of us. We'll all be there shortly.

From Eve Des Jardins: Fourteen years ago a golden bundle of fur joined our family. He was the third in a line of golden retrievers, all with their unique personalities. Max, the first, a leggy bundle of go get 'um energy, Flurry, an aristocratic intelligent beauty who carried himself with proud self possessed confidence. Ruffy had a hard act to follow but like kids you expect that they will all have their unique personalities.

I found him at a breeder in Torrington Connecticut and she recommended him to me because I had experience with Goldens. He was quirky from the start. She had done puppy testing to gauge their temperaments. What stood out with Ruffy was that he was easily startled by new things. And until the day he died, if I even parked the tractor, a piece of equipment with which he was very familiar, in a different place he would bark at it as if an alien had just landed in the back yard.

He was beautiful but he would never be quietly self possessed and would always have a slight look of confusion in his eyes. And fetch was a word he took literally. He would fetch a stick or a ball but somehow didn't believe that the definition included the concept of returning the item. Maybe he was smarter than I thought and knew that if he did return it he would only have to run after it again and what was the point of that if he already had it to enjoy?

But of all the dogs he was he most patient and loving. He grew up with kids who would rough and tumble with him and he began his life here with a human baby with which he was always gentle even when she was not always with him.

His soul purpose in life seemed to be to love and be loved. One look from his human companions would be seen as an invitation to come over and be petted and be petted some more and if it was allowed I am sure he would have jumped up and curled up in your lap.

He and I had a quiet understanding. He knew that I wanted a more arms length relationship. And that was not to say that I didn’t love him and give him affection. But he seemed to respect that I needed the space. And we would often find ourselves in each other’s company while I smoked at the swing chair or on the terrace and he would sit quietly not far from me looking up with questioning eyes that seemed to ask me, “is it alright if I come over and get petted now?”

Life gets busy. There are errands to do, kids to take care of, studying to be done, friends to see, issues to deal with. Sometimes the quiet ones get taken for granted. And sadly it was easy to take him for granted as he never asked for much and would seem so content to be by himself. He seemed to know that when life’s other pressing issues were taken care of he would be noticed. As long as he was fed and watered and let out he was content to wait for when we had more time for him. He was enduringly patient. He was enduringly and unconditionally loving.

And it’s not until they are gone that we realize how patient our animal companions are with us. How much they end up understanding us as much as we believe we understand them. And then we are left with should have hads. Should have had spent more time, should have had been more careful, should have had been more patient. And then we think to ourselves and wonder, "do I do that with everything". And for a moment we vow not to again.

He was sick for that last few months. His belly getting bigger and his frame getting thinner. I felt he had a tumor but at fourteen he was an old dog. He was still happy, still content, still enjoying sitting out on the terrace soaking in the sunshine. It would have been cruel to do anything more than to let him live out his life.

I thought that he would die quietly at home. It could have happened that way. It should have happened that way. But I was careless and let him out and didn’t watch him and I could alibi myself and say that he was not prone to wandering down to the road but that would be a cop out. I didn’t watch and he was hit by a car.

He limped to the house, his left hind foot severely injured. The driver had taken off. Other by standers had stayed to lend their support. I forgive the driver. It wasn’t his fault. The dog shouldn’t have been on the road. And I know that the driver will think of this for a long time to come.

I couldn’t find a local vet who was available. Ruffy was stable enough and I wrapped his wound and put him to bed with a powerful pain med. He slept one last night at home.

In the morning I brought him to his regular vet and it was as I had feared. The kindest thing was to let him go.

I asked if I could stay and be with him. The vet was kind and understanding and gentle.

I held Ruffy’s head and cried. He must have been in pain and yet he didn’t show it. He thumped his tail and looked at me as I was crying and nuzzled my hand more this time as if he was making me feel better and forgiving me for what I had put him through. Maybe we want to see what we need to see. I thought he was telling me it was all going to be fine.

The vet injected the drug slowly. Ruffy just quietly closed his eyes and went peacefully into that last sleep.

Ruffy: Always patient. Always of good nature. Always full of tail wagging affection. You will be missed.

And Jon. Thank you for your tribute especially the video. I read it in the wee hours and was so moved that words could not be found to comment.