A MySpace Survey

1Q: What is your favorite color?
1A:Shut up.

2Q: Where were you born?
2A: Dude, seriously, shut up.

3Q: Who is your current crush?
3A: Holy shit, do you ever stop talking??

4Q: No I don't. I mean, when was your last kiss?
4A: You can't ask a question with an answer in it, asshole.

5Q: Why the hell not??
5A: Because you are only supposed to be asking me questions that I have to answer with as little information as possible so that there is no point in me taking the survey what so ever... duh!

6Q: When did you get to be so rude!!
6A: Hey man, you broke into MY house and started asking me all these questions.
Just take what you came to rob from me and GET OUT!

7Q: Ever been sodomized?
7A: NO! Is that a threat?!

8Q: You've got a pretty mouth...
8A: Alright, you need to leave.
You're not even asking questions anymore!

9Q: Is there anywhere to eat around here?
9A: Well, if you take I-95 south to exit 5... wait a minute, SHUT UP!

10Q:
10A: Ummmm, what?

11Q: Dude, where is my car?!
11A: I don't fucking know. Are you high??

12Q: Duuuuuuude, are those crab cakes?!
12A: Why yes they are. Would you like one?

13Q: I'LL BE ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE!!
13A: Woah man, calm down.

14Q: NO. I'm sick of stupid fucks like you trying to steal the show with all your questions about my questions that no one cares about.
13A: Alright dude, sorry.

15Q: HEY, you know we're on question 15 right? Keep up to speed.
15A: Woops, sorry about that.

16Q: Alright, I gotta get outta here. Maybe I'll call you, maybe I won't.
16A: But, I think I love you, perfect stranger!!

17Q:
17A: Hello?

18Q:
18A: HELLO?!

19Q:
19A: Awww cry cry cry cry cry cry... soooob... cry cry cry cry cry cry....

20Q: Oh hey, forgot my coat, alright, see ya.
20A: NO, COME BACK!



Mr. A ended up following Mr. Q for the rest of his life, ruining surveys all over the world for innocent little kids that don't even know what love is yet. And no kids, love for captain crunch serial is not real love. Nor is love for your parents. They will end up leaving you anyway. So don't invest to much into that....

...anyway, Merry Christmas!

How to Drive Drunk

Let me start off by saying... it is illegal to drive drunk!! In NO WAY does this journal entry give you permission to drive while intoxicated. This post is only supposed to be informational and not be actually used for driving after bar hopping, keg parties, or sitting alone in your home getting smashed.

With that out of the way... let's get down to business!

Even though it is illegal to drive to drunk, there may be a situation where there is other solution but to get behind the wheel of a vehicle after a couple beers. For instance, you might have been at a party and all your driving friends are bombed beyond belief, but you have only had 4 beers and seem to be walking fine. Or, you are at a party and the host gets incredibly pissed with everyone there, then proceeds to kick everyone out when you had planned on crashing on the couch. Or, maybe you just think it's fun to drive around with a nice heavy buzz on. All of these situations are hard to plan for, but don't freak out! There are things to do that will aid you in your drunken travels.

Seeing as how being pulled over is the first step in getting yourself a nice heap of D.U.I. fun, it's good to know what the police are actually looking for when spotting a moving vehicle. Some of these things are common knowledge, but others are tips gained from a drug and alcohol class that I personally took a couple years back.

1: Excessive Speed
Even though this is a common reason to pull anyone over, this is one of the leading signs a person has been drinking. A drunk driver will feel very confident in his or her driving skills and / or will lose track of how fast they are actually traveling.

2A: Vehicle Swerving
This one is pretty obvious. A drunk driver will have a hard time keeping their vehicle within the lines of the road. This is because alcohol reduces reaction time and the ability to focus. Basically, they are looking for an ADHD driver that is focused on anything but the road.

2B: Vehicle Dodging
This is pretty much like swerving, but with more of a method to it. For instance, a drunk driver will swerve all the way to the right of their lane in the event of an oncoming vehicle. Then, the driver will practically take up the entire opposing lane when the vehicle has passed. Basically, just focus on your lane, and you should be fine.

3: Drivers Position within the Vehicle
If you are crouching the steering wheel (you have your face buried in it) a police officer will take that as you being intoxicated. This happens because a drunk driver will have a hard time seeing the road and will naturally put their face closer to it thinking that it helps. In all reality, keeping your head up and away from the steering wheel is much better for seeing the road. So, don't crouch the wheel.

4: Loud Music
If you pass a cop and they can hear your stereo blasting, they will assume you have been drinking. This is because alcohol will actually numb your inner ear (as well as the rest of your body) and make it difficult to hear things. Ever wonder why a party gets a lot louder after a couple hours of drinking? That's because everyone needs to talk louder for everyone else to hear them. Same thing goes for when your buddy comes home, drunk off his ass, screaming about how great chips are.

5: Vehicle Up keeping / Time of Day
When it is a certain time of day or night, the cops are actually looking for drunk drivers and will pull any car over that they can for whatever reason they feel necessary. This greatly includes a burned out headlight, tail light, blinker, and license plate lamp. This also includes noisy brakes, broken muffler, etc. Cops are more likely to pull you over around the time your local bars close, if not earlier. The later it is, the better. If I had to give you a safe time, I would say around 4a.m. if not 5. So please, if you plan on driving drunk, take a look at your car before you start drinking and make sure it's up to par.


There are many reasons why people get pulled over, some that I didn't mention. I'm sure you can think of a billion other reasons on your own. The cold hard facts are that if you drive drunk, and you get caught, you will go to jail. I know from experience...

In my situation, I had drank a whole bottom of Tequila and passed out at a stop light that happened to be in the middle of the highway in Middletown, CT. That doesn't mean I passed out and drove right through it, it means I stopped at it, and went to sleep. After someone had called the cops (rightfully so) they found me asleep, with my foot on the brake, and the music blaring past audible recognition. I had no business driving that night, or morning, and I completely deserved what I got for doing so.

My only real advice would have to be not to drive if you are drunk. That is the only sure way to never get a D.U.I. But, if you have to, take everything I have said here into consideration. It just might save your ass.

People Management

After working in a corporate environment for a while, it's really easy to learn exactly how people manage other people. For instance, you will be greeted as if you were their best friend. Then, small talk ensues in the same order it would everyday.

#1: "How are you doing today?"
#2: "What did you do last night / weekend?"
#3: "Did you hear about this news cast or sports event?"

It goes for longer sometimes, but you get the point. For those of you that don't work in an office environment and have no idea what it's like, no one you work with actually cares about you or what you did the weekend before. All they want to do is make sure you like them just in case they have a work related favor them may need to ask of you. Some people might argue that fact, but those are the people that are most guilty of this procedure.

Another great way to make people do what you want (if you are managing people) is to take them out to lunch. This gives you the chance to show you're really "one of the guys". Take my advice and don't fall for it! Whether or not you choose to go to lunch with these people is up to you, but don't think they are actually interested in anything you have to say. If anything, they will just take your stories and use them against you later.

Something that seems to happen all the time (at least within my experience), is the "way ta go bro!!" attitude to completed projects. You might do the smallest, gayest thing in the world and you be praised for it by a superior so that you will feel good about yourself and do more of what they ask. Don't fall for this either. Realistically they just want the most work out of you for as little spent time as possible to make themselves look better. Unless you are getting paid per project, there is no point killing yourself to get it done early or even on time if it's a really big project. Go by how long YOU think it would take to complete. Your boss doesn't give a fuck about your stress levels and he will plan the submission date to be almost a week (if not a month) earlier than it should be.

NEVER expect a raise for the work you're actually putting in. You could go years breaking your back for nothing. Do the minimum, unless the project is really important. Your boss will always tell you that you're on the fast track to success, when in fact, they are lining their pockets with your efforts. Why pay you more when your boss could be making more?

People management is basically a huge mind fuck designed to keep you in line and working hard. I can only hope that some of you out there got a good boss that doesn't act this way. For the rest of you, don't stand for it. Rip the skin off your boss and show the world the wolf that resides underneath.