What's Wrong with Me?

I wish I knew a complete reason why I feel this way all the time, and why I can't just make it go away. Even on the ride to work this morning, I practically started crying for no reason. There is no reason for me to feel this way, ever. So why is it ALWAYS this way?!?! Is this how you all feel all the time?? If so, then I don't want to be like you anymore. I have been doing everything I have been told to do, and the only thing that seems to have gone away is the constant anger for who I am (which is just another issue all together). All day today, I have been thinking of just walking away from work, and just seeing how far I can walk. Just leave everything behind, and see what happens.

I know this feeling will go away... at least that's what I hope. That's probably why I didn't just run off and say fuck this. The way it has usually worked, is that I will be extremely happy for about a month, then just ok for like two, and then horribly unhappy for a month. That cycle just repeats forever. But now a days, it's like I only get a day of being really happy and 4 months of this horrible feeling. When will it just fucking stop?!

I guess there is no answer found here. The only thing I can do, is just sit here like the domestic cow I am, and do nothing. There is nothing for me anywhere, and I just have to deal with it I guess. It's almost kind of funny how the dreams of a child turn into what ever the hell this is.

Fuck it. Whatever.